You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize