Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
