So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
