So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
