I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
