So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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