How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
