He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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