I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
