guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
