Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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