Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Are my feet made of real feet?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize