I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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