the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
