i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
