In America we eat man semen.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
