she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
