who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
