you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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