I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
