they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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