She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
