you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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