why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
