Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
