He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
