I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
