If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
