ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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