I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
