I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
