I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
