party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
