kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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