At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
