Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
