She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
