I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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