I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
