Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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