And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
