Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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