I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
no you cant smoke seaweed
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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