i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
being pregnant is like rehab
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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