Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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