i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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