Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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