He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
