Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
