if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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