Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Farmville is her only friend.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
