So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
