Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
