That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
