we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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