soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
