My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
