The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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