I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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