Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
