We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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