Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
