my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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