We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
