In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
