I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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