im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
