When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
