she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
