i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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