If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
