yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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