Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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