Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize