i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
