Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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