bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
