I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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